I had thought that December of 2009 was really bad. I had no idea that that was a relative term, that there was a scale, and though I thought later that I had hit rock bottom in February or so, there was so much further to go. It was a bottomless pit, an abyss that just kept going down into darkness and madness.
It should be noted that, despite the near constant harassment, I still didn’t think, for example, that the fire at the Conway’s, was connected to any of this. I didn’t know much of anything about MKULTRA. Though I had read Peter’s books and the end notes, all of that was somehow fiction to me. Things that happened in laboratories in colleges and universities all over the world had no effect on me personally, I thought. It was far away, like the War on Terror for the most part and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.
One thing that sort of seemed aimed at me but I don’t think was was when I was walking along Fifth Avenue with my boss and co-worker. A man, who I would guess was from Texas or that general vicinity, was panhandling. He wasn’t really panhandling, he was sarcastically poking fun at panhandlers and New Yorkers.
He held out a tan leather gloved hand, “Put it there, I’ll make you feel good!” Referring at the same time to a quarter and a sex organ, I knew this was a Tea Party lunatic. As we walked away, he shouted, “Oh, fucking liberals.”
There were other things as well. The Times Square bomber, for example. I wound up, for the first time in my twenty years in the Big Apple, going to Times Square for the New Years celebration. I did so in style. A friend got me a pass to go and we had just about the best access to the place as anyone, better in some ways than some of the celebrities.
There, I saw two men. One of them wore an I.C.E. (a division of the Department of Homeland Security, as are border guards, that deals with immigration) hat.
“Just a coincidence,” I kept telling myself. It got so ridiculous that at one point his friend said, with me standing almost directly between the two of them, “C’mon, we gotta get ready for the…”
He trailed off but moved his hands together, lacing his fingers, as if indicating a trap.
Later I would see that they were referring to another friend proposing to his fiancé. But, come on, what were the odds? I don’t even necessarily think they knew who I was. The only way to explain that, me there to witness it, is something like voice-to-skull.
Typically, when this happens to someone, they start to think it’s a massive conspiracy, that all of these people (eventually including those closest to the target) are meeting somewhere and conspiring to make the person’s life a living hell. These people never get caught and the target gets dismissed as insane. Every single time.
Now, applying Occham’s razor, let’s assume that the astronomically long odds of such runs of bad luck, and that the events actually happened. Let’s assume for a moment, regardless of why or how the person that they happened to thinks that they did, that at least they really got three flat tires in one week, that the cable guy turned off their cable by accident, that the mailman accidentally broke package, that their neighbor’s music is so loud that they cannot sleep at night, that random people walk up and say disturbing things to them. Let’s assume it happened for the sake of argument, just not necessarily why and how the target thinks it did.
Which is simpler? A device that for a few minutes makes anyone the target meets behave in a way that they themselves may think strange later, or that 90% of the population of a town is conspiring against the 1%? Given that I have shown (see the Defense News and Defense Electronics articles again) that this technology exists.
Given a government that is confirmed as out of control on defense, intelligence and security spending and abuse , given that they drugged detainees with mefloquine, and many other scandals all pointing to really not being all that trustworthy, really not having Joe and Jane Citizens’ best interests at heart.
You are being told here and now how and why people go off the deep end and make incredible claims. Please listen and take it into consideration. You cannot understand the extreme frustration that these targets go through and is made all the worse by people who would care, would help, if they knew the truth, but instead treat them like they are delusional. Made all the worse by what would seem like a trifling annoyance to anyone else, but in the totality of having endured hundreds or thousands of such annoyances, it becomes a mosaic of harassment. It becomes the US (and many other, I should add) dirtiest little secret: they torture their own citizens right under the noses of other citizens and law enforcement.
It is a living hell.
The legal definition of torture has three requirements. First, the person must be in “custody.” Because this is done remotely, we are already in trouble. What difference does it make if a person is locked or tied up if they can “shoot” you with pain or disturbing thoughts from a distance no matter where you stand?
The second requirement is that it must be intentional. Clearly, it is on someone’s part. Middle or upper management at CIA, FBI, and parts of Homeland Security and mid to high ranking officers in the military.
But the people who carry it out in many cases are people who were themselves in a sense targeted. They got unwanted thoughts put into their heads and took it out on the target. That is what I believe happened with the border guard on the Blue Water Bridge who rushed over and attacked Peter Watts on the same day that the Open Government Directive was released.
The third part is that the damage must be permanent. Clearly, it is when done over time. I will never, ever be normal again, not if this practice ended today. They have changed me, against my will and consent. That’s permanent.
What is implied by that portion is that is must be physical. This brings me to what happened after I started contacting representatives and inspectors general.
I found that on the same day, the Department of Defense released two information memorandums. The first added a new officer, a Civil Liberties Officer, who requires that the Inspector General report to him, the memo says, to avoid duplication of work. This officer reports into the chain of command and does not have the same kind of autonomy that the Inspector General has. And he is to be informed by the IG of the IG’s work . This essentially nullifies the IG where investigations into civil liberties are concerned.
The other, again released the same day, defines damage from so-called nonlethal weapons (NLWs) . It states essentially what the law says where permanence is concerned but also adds that it must be physical damage.
How can you know if the damage is permanent unless the person dies and still has the damaging effect? How can you discount driving someone insane with NLWs completely?
Because they can. They can because they supply Congress with cash, they can because people don’t want to be on the bad side of the psychopaths who utilize these devices, they can because, you know…9/11.
And, let’s me throw out another Obama explanation that boils down to Lincoln-worship: a team of rivals. He touted that at the beginning of his tenure. The idea that debate somehow would lead us where we need to go.
The problem is that this is not virtual debate. This is happening to people. That’s not talk, that’s action.
The idea that somehow when the intel community actually does something right makes up for the evil that they do is pure bullshit. It’s not a Rorschach test. It’s an attack on the American people and cosmetics to provide deniability. There is no valid excuse for it. It’s an evil practice, one that Obama is aware of, and allows to continue. There are many things that the administration could do, could have done, to bring a potential coup d’état to an end if that was what happened. They haven’t, therefore they are at best accessories after the fact. That’s a favorite charge of the Department of Justice. Unfortunately they are also accessories.
The Rule of Law is a sad joke.
I have no choice but to laugh (but only a little) at the hullabaloo over NSA’s snooping. It’s not even close to being the worst thing that this government does to its own citizens (though it is clearly related). They use your information to build a psychological profile and, if you are on their shit list, use it to ruin you. You’d be surprised (I was) just how much personal information about you really is out there. Then there is what everyone you know has put in emails about you, said about you to someone else on the phone. All of that is stored, has been since before 9/11, by the NSA.
Weird stuff kept happening. While working on the fire alarm system job at work, the building manager called and said that we had to immediately go survey the People’s Bank of China’s space. This was not long after the hacking of several Fortune 500 companies that was blamed on China .
(I now believe that these hacks were a false-flag attack designed to get yet more defense contracts for some company or other. China makes a convenient boogeyman, as radical Muslims had on 9/11.)
The people in the PBoC office behaved strangely, paranoid, and my co-worker and I were thrown out. Why had the building manager demanded we do it immediately if the tenant did not want it?
Why had my boss, who I had known since 1992 as being the calmest, most rational person in the room, suddenly become a raving lunatic? He was so angry that he was shaking.
At home, my partner seemed to wake up one morning and not only stopped loving me but also hated my guts. I could go on and on about the signs of it, but it would upset me just writing it and not prove anything to you. It happened. Twenty-five years of friendship, nearly 15 as a couple, down the drain over night.
Clearly, they must all be in on it together, right? No. Voice-to-skull. Acoustic psycho-correction. See again the note about FBI being told about it from the Defense Electronics article. In fact, memorize it. Because that may be one of only a few defenses you have against it being used on you. You don’t know it’s being used on you. If you think that you are immune, then your own inflated sense of self may eventually be your undoing.
The comic I had been writing included a character called the Red Fox. It was a superhero story.
One day at work, my boss and I noticed this outside:
It wasn’t that it was there once. No. It was that it stayed there almost all day. That it was there so long that the NYPD bomb squad eventually took an interest in it. Turned out that a legal firm in the Time/Life building or nearby had been moving in. This was right around the same time as the Times Square bomber fright.
See what I mean? What if I had, in some panicked state, made more of that than I did? Done more than taken a photo, like called the police to say that “they” were out to get me, that this was harassment by the CIA or whomever.
I’d be labeled a nut. Just like item 1 of that 1955 MK/Ultra memo suggested is both possible and desirable for someone they have targeted.
This is far from being an exhaustive list of the harassment. There was something every day. If something wasn’t happening externally, they were using V2K to mess with my head. If they weren’t doing that, they were making other people say and do things that would mean one thing to them and an entirely different, usually disturbing, thing to me. And other things like more mundane harassment. On top of having been drugged surreptitiously to make me more sensitive to the harassment and less able to cope with it at the same time.
Why me? Sometimes I still lose track of that, but I am going with an attempt to prevent exactly what you are reading here. How this is done, why it has gone on since the early 1980s unabated, and therefore why it done at all.
I would lose it all. And yet somehow not care that I did. I wasn’t just drugged out of thinking clearly, I was also euphoric.
That memo again:
11. Substances which will produce “pure” euphoria with no subsequent let-down.
12. Substances which alter personality structure in such a way that the tendency of the recipient to become dependent upon another person is enhanced.
They used that to sort of pick me up and drop me. Over and over again, flying high then suddenly down in despair. The point: to “break” me.
And they would use it in such a way that I’d be in heaven and hell in any given moment. They would leverage it so that I not only appeared just really fucking crazy, but I’d probably had a very real neurosis about what to do about how I was feeling about a particular person.
I’d wind up loving someone I don’t even know than anyone I’d ever loved. More than Jesus even back when I was in church. They took that feeling, cranked it to 11, and ripped off the knob.
In a weird way, it saved my life. I was already broken by that making it difficult to otherwise do so . In another way though, it’s what’s killing me slowly now .
What’s love at that intense level? I’d tell you, but they’d probably kill you.
1 Washingtons Blog, “You Won’t Believe What’s Going on with Government Spying on Americans”, August 17, 2013:
2 Cryptome, Civil Liberties Officer
3 Cryptome, NLW damage
See also my blog post:
McCoyote, “Recent DoD Instructions”, Chris Knall, June 10, 2010:
4 WIRED, “Google Hack Was Ultra Sophisticated”, January 14, 2010:
5 Kind of like Lennie Clark in Starfish, the first book in the Rifters trilogy. Plausible deniability, right? Could be I’m imagining it all due to a psychotic break. See picture above and INSCOM website visit from previous chapter. More evidence to come.
6 That’s honest and exactly the kind of thing that they can and will use against me in the days just after I post this. This is another problem, honesty and getting your story out provides opportunities for Obama’s bullies to use if for nefarious ends. That’s the risk you take. That’s what it’s like to be a whistleblower (of sorts) in America today.